A casual or
a serious message from a friend about my profligacy on posting status updates (
I might add changing profile pictures too) if I have plenty of time on my hands
and not utilizing it properly set me on a trail of thoughts. For long time I
heard from my old acquaintances that I am not working on a job (crime enough) and
it sapped my energies explaining that I have chosen this life..Yes, I would
have loved to be on a job but my location restrictions allowed only one kind of
job and that was teaching but lack of proper links in power echelons and also not
enough desire to buy one hindered my chances and I am a stay-at-home woman. And
yes, I am very happy, satisfied and contended. Period.
My hands are
full..I have my household chores and kids to look after and I am glad that I
have all the time and attention in the world to devote to them and I bask in
that luxury. I am not saying that working mothers spend any less time on their
kids – they have additional bonuses as they earn and so able to grant better
lives to their kids, buying them better things and taking them on vacations but
my life is not being wasted in a frivolous manner.
A day in my life begins and ends in such a
manner: I wake up at 5 a.m. and then on after a hurried cup of tea, I am on–packing tiffin for the older kid and sending him to school. After a brief spell
of yoga (and I may not be lucky every day if my little kid wakes up early), I
am on the second kid – getting him ready for school. After the kids are sent to
school, I may take off some time when I scurry through newspapers, play scrabble
on phone, check my facebook/twitter pages and share some conversation with the
father of boys over a second cup of tea. Then back to never-ending chores which
I have to do despite the domestic help coming to rescue. Yes, there is
something selfish I dabble in these days and that is spending a good one-and-half hour
in the gym and that is invigorating as it brings me back from the brink. The
sweating releases me by flushing out not only toxins from the body but from clearing the cobwebs from the mind.
Just as I
get into the rhythm of the day, the kids start returning home and from then on
its lunches or homeworks and constantly keeping a vigil over them if they are
not squandering time in front of TV or laptop.. Life is back to chaos and if I can
catch a few winks of siesta I call it luxury and so sapped and bereft of energy
I feel sometimes to even pick a book that I prefer to spend time mindlessly surfing
facebook/twitter. Consider that it is not a social network thing for me rather an
attempt to not stagnate and keep abreast with things latest and happenings in the
world. My evenings are a blur fading into the darkness of the nights when the thoughts and plans for the next day already start budding.
Trust me I
am a good human being despite my mean shortcomings that hanker me constantly. Yet
I strive to be better, not hurt others and always ready to apologize in just
the case. I try to help others if it is within my limitations and care for the
Planet Earth always conscious that my carbon footprint may not be increasing. I
try to a good mother and feel guilty if I don’t listen enough to my kids and
every day struggle with myself to be more kind towards them; not making them a
victim of my angst and inner chasms. Yet each day I fail *sigh*
We try not to be materialistic though I over-spend in clothes and curse myself over it. I
believe in not judging people and teach my kids not to look at people’s clothes
or standard of living as the yardstick for liking or befriending them. Yes, we
pay our taxes and are mentally strong enough not to be part of the rat race. We
don’t have many assets but we believe in ourselves too well not to follow herd
mentality and that is exactly what we want to impart to our kids.
So my dear friend,
please don’t think I am not contributing to the society. At my minuscule level,
I am doing so by teaching my kids not to be materialistic, adopt good habits,
respect their elders and believe in themselves as their parents are not going
to leave huge inheritances for them. Day to day rigors de living haven’t disenchanted
my compassion or altruism and I feel others’ pain and try my best to remove those in
connect with me but yes, I am not brave enough to go out in the world, lose myself
into the labyrinths of some organization and dissolve myself in a bubble. Yet
I shall keep doing what is my due and what my heart would tell me to.
